Britney, An Obituary

No, this isn’t just me being dark and randomly killing celebrities off in my writing, as funny an idea as that may seem. 

As part of a music course I’m currently a part of, I was required to knock up a 500-word obituary for Britney Spears, regardless of the fact that she is still very much alive. And, well, here it is:

Princess of Pop Britney Jean Spears has died at the age of 30. The pop singer passed away at her home in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, on the 25th October after a short battle with cancer. She leaves behind sons Sean Preston, 7, and Jayden James, 6, their names a constant reminder of her hillbilly roots.

Born in McComb, Mississippi, Spears was a member of the New Mickey Mouse Club before catapulting to stardom in 1999 with the release of her debut album …Baby One More Time, which yielded mammoth singles ‘…Baby One More Time’ and ‘I Was Born to Make You Happy’. Britney’s fresh-faced appeal and perceived innocence allowed her to ride the wave of popular female acts at the time. The album has sold over 30 million copies worldwide and became the biggest selling debut of any female artist in history.

Her musical successes continued with the release of subsequent albums Oops…I Did it Again! (2000) and Britney (2001), before the songstress eschewed her wholesome image in favour of a slightly more raunchy persona. The release of In the Zone in 2003 saw Spears fully embrace her sexier style, as well as the introduction of more controversial – and often more ridiculous – elements of Spears’ private life.

Britney shared an on-stage kiss with pop legend Madonna and rival Christina Aguilera at the 2003 VMA Awards, more famous for the gratuitous amount of tongue involved than for its participants.

Spears then kicked off 2004 by marrying childhood friend Jason Alexander in a drunken Las Vegas sham. The marriage was annulled after 55 hours as Spears “lacked understanding of her actions” (Judge speak for how horrendously pissed she was).

By September, Britney had neglected to heed her own advice by oops, doing it again and marrying dancer Kevin Federline. Apparently more lucid the second time around, Spears Marriage Mk 2 lasted 3 years, Federline fathering both of her sons.

Her dabbling with illicit drugs saw her shave her head in early 2007 and attend Promises rehab centre for a month – she had, in her own words, “hit rock bottom”.

She divorced Federline in 2007, eventually losing custody of her sons and was again hospitalized in January 2008 as those around her believed she posed significant risk to herself.

Once fully recovered, Spears resumed her singing career, and, whilst hardly breaking new ground, Circus (2008) and Femme Fatale (2011) were still exceptionally popular albums.

Whether positive or no, Britney’s wild behaviour and propensity to either marry or snort everything she encountered often overshadowed her ever-successful pop career and burgeoning television presence – cameo appearances on How I Met Your Mother and most recently The X Factor suggested that Spears may have had a future on the screen.

Having provided the soundtrack to every virginity lost between 1999 and 2003, Britney leaves behind a sea of mid-20s fangirls, as well as most recent fiancée Jason Trawick. Third time has not proved lucky when it comes to Spears and engagements, but her legacy ensures that this Princess of Pop may be gone, but will not be soon forgotten.

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